You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We are all done wearing pants today
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
