As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize