Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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