So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
