she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
