Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
