yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
