It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
