you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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