Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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