Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Randomize
