I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
