this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
home. puking in laundry basket.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
