her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
