I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
