very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
