dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
