More tranny stories later!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
