Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
