Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dicks are not precious.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
