What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
