he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
