I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
