party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
