the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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