Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
