she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
