first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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