i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We left the knife in your bed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
