Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
