when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
