That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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