I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
