it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
