You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
