I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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