splinters make it hard to masturbate
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize