never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
