At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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