Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
