Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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