New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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