But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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