this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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