I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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