If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
