Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
