so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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