if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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