The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
