Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
