the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My ass is underappreciated
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
