Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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