I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
