This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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