i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
