My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
