it hurts more in the daytime
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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