when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
