grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
