I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
