that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
