At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
