the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
