honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
