i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
