Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
