my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize