Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
