just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize