Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize