They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
