absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
