I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
When did angry sex become our thing?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
