My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize