is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize