have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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