I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
