He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
