i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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