Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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