I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
