i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
